Always expect the unexpected
by Gigi Ose
Summary: I dont know how to explain it, but it's not the average keldom story. So read it and tell me if you like the idea!
1. Family Love

_- _I own nothing it all belongs to Tamora Pierce, and I'm broke, so don't even try and sue me-

** The Many Things You Learn in Life  
Chapter One- Family Love**

"If you can look into the mirror without laughter, you have no sense of humor."  
--Unknown

Life and death are two extraordinary things. I've seen many examples of the both of them in my day. I've seen the many wonderful blessings and hardships of life, and the many difficult and significant journeys surrounding death. I am proud to say I have lived my life to the fullest with no regrets.

Let's start with some background shall we? I am an old man, there is no need to tell you the exact age, because that just makes me feel older. I have a wonderful wife, whom I love, with all my heart. I have 7 miraculous children, and 28 astounding and rambunctious grand children. We're all mad there's no doubt about that; but you can say it's a sort of a… run-of-the-mill type of madness.

Now, this story I'm going to tell you, is quite different from your average "married to a Lady Knight" tale. Let's see where it all really begins. Oh yes. I believe it was mid-October, in Corus the capital of Tortall; in the 21st year of the reign of Jonathan IV and Thayet, his Queen, in the year 460 H.E.. There was a ball celebrating the marriage of Lord Raoul of Goldenlake and Malorie's Peak, to Buriram Tourakom.

You didn't see them dancing, but having a very intense conversation with Numair Salmalin and his lover Veralidaine Sarrasri (known as Daine to her friends). I looked around the room, spotting my very strange cousin and his wife Yukimi noh Diamoru, I could see he was starting to crack jokes about how the young woman next to him actually looked like a lady instead of a maiden warrior. His wife came to the young woman's defense and started to yell at my cousin, much to my enjoyment.

As I went to go sit down and mingle with my friends and Neal, I was abruptly pulled out into the palace gardens. I was quickly hurried off into a deeper and more secluded part of the gardens hidden by the many branches and leaves of a willow tree, with a knife to my back. Once I got there the person who grabbed me, pushed me down against the tree. I tried to get a look at the guy, but he was wearing a hooded cloak.

Now you're probably wondering, with me being the man that I am, why didn't I fight back? Well at that time I didn't think anyone would be brave enough to try and kidnap a guy like me, so I went along with it. As I was sitting there trying to figure out who it could be, they took off the hood of their cloak. It turned out that he was a she. The girl started laughing and helped me get up, I was shocked and very excited to see her.

" Shara! What are you doing here?" I asked in disbelief.  
" Well… I decided to come and see you! I haven't seen you in a long time, and I was uh… wondering what you were up to these days."

" Nothing too exciting, how did you know to find me here?"  
" I heard about the wedding and I figured that you would be here since your in the King's Own, and Lord Raoul commands the Own."  
" That does make sense."  
" Yes it does."

Shara slowly walked over to me. I got kind of nervous because I wasn't sure if she was going to hit me or something, but I knew it couldn't have been anything too bad. She got a little closer then started to run at me, she was smiling. I thought Uh-oh but then she jumped on me and gave me a huge hug after all we were very excited to see each other, then she gave me a kiss on the cheek.  
" I missed you so much!" Shara said to me.  
" I missed you too!" I replied.

" So how are mother and father?" I continued.  
" They're doing fine, mother wanted to buy father a new dagger to add to his collection for their anniversary, but father said no and they got into a fight over weaponry, it was quite entertaining." Replied Shara.

I started to laugh and then I realized that I had to get back to everyone, so I invited my sister Shara along so she could meet everyone and have a chance to humiliate Neal.

Z> Z> Z> Z> Z> Z> Z> Z> Z> Z> Z> Z> Z> Z> Z> Z> Z> Z> Z> Z> Z>

" And remember that one time, where Neal got his head stuck in the weapon rack!" said Shara.  
Everyone exploded in laughter. Shara and I had been sharing our many adventures of our younger years with Neal, to Merric of Hollyrose, Keladry of Mindelan, Baird of Queenscove, and Roald of Conte'.

" Oh, and remember the one time where Neal got stuck in the apple tree after he had been chased by our dog Bruiser?" I said.

"Yes, then after that he tried to make himself grow taller so he could be able to run faster!" laughed Baird of Queenscove (who was Neal's father).

Through all of this Neal had slumped down in his chair with his head in his hands, he had given up trying to defend himself against all of these, in his mind, absurd stories.

" Well, I had better get back to my rooms, it's getting quite late and it looks like Neal is about to cry from all of his embarrassment." said Keladry.

Neal sat up and started rambling on about how everyone else was insane and he was the only sane one. Kel walked away before he could start on her.

Okay, tell me what y'all think so far, I know it's a little different but different can be good right? Yeah I hope so lol.  
– Gigi Ose


	2. Let's Get Cookin' !

-You know the drill, I don't own anything it's all Tamora Pierce's and I have no money so try and sue me-

**The Many Things You Learn in Life  
Chapter Two- Let's get cookin'!  
**

Shara decided to return home and sent my regards to the family. Meanwhile I had no work to be done because Lord Raoul was on his honeymoon to the Yamani Islands. So I decided to spend some quality time with friends and purchase something to give to my parents for their wedding anniversary. I had no idea what to get for my parents, so I decided to ask someone to help me pick a gift out. Don't ask me why I picked Neal of all people, but I did.

" So why did you ask me to help you, again?" Neal asked.  
" I don't know, for some odd reason you were the first person that came to my mind, I might be going insane after all!" I replied.

Neal just gave me a look and continued looking for a nice painting.

"You know Dom, you've been here for quite a while and I haven't seen you go and do anything fun for some time now." Neal told me.

" Yes, what is your point?" I asked.  
" Why don't you go with Yuki, Kel, and me to go see the Players perform The Captain, tonight? I personally don't want to go, but you know women, very persistent, and I dare not say no to Yuki." Neal said somewhat sadly.  
" Alright, I suppose I can go to keep you company, I heard the play was quite entertaining anyway."

Neal had walked away to a different part in the shop. I was thinking about how I was going to get the gift to my parents when Neal shouted:  
"I found it, I found it!"  
"Found what?"  
" The perfect present."  
Neal was beaming, he pointed to a painting that looked almost exactly like him. I just rolled my eyes and walked out of the store. 

Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z

"This is the most, stupid thing I have ever seen." Whispered Neal to Dom.  
" It's not that bad, I mean it could be worse you know." I replied.  
Yuki heard Neal's comment, and decided to move and sit on the other side of Kel. Keladry thought that Neal and Yuki should talk about what's bothering Yuki.  
"You know, this play is kind of boring me, Dom, would you like to go to the tavern and have a drink?" Keladry asked me.  
"Oh okay, sure. I would love to." I said with a smile on my face.

So Kel and I made our way to the tavern. She found us a seat near the hearth.  
"One cider please, and… Dom what would you like?"  
" Make that two please. Thank you."  
" So Keladry, what are your plans for Mid-winter?" I asked, trying to get a conversation running.  
" Well I'm not too sure at the moment. I think I might go visit my family down at Mindelan. What about you?"  
" I can't decide if I want to stay here or go and visit my family. I could stay here but if you go home, I wouldn't have anyone to chat with. If I go home I will have to many people asking me why I am not married yet and when I plan on it."  
Kel laughed, Raoul had said the same thing to her only last year and she had suggested that Buri go and help him out as a friend. They ended up getting married.  
" Well if I knew any eligible Lady's of the Court I would recommend you take them, but I don't know anyone. So sorry that I am not much help in that area." She said with a laugh.  
In my mind I knew of someone who could help me, but I knew she never would think of it. 

"Oh well, it was worth a try." I said, trying to sound rather gloomy.  
"Wow, this is really good cider!" said Kel.  
" I know, it really is. I wonder who makes it, do you know?"  
" I actually think its George Cooper's own mother."

" You know what? I think you should go over and ask her for the recipe."  
" What? Why?"  
" It could come in handy some day you know."

Kel laughed.

" Right, and how could that come in handy Dom?"  
" Well, you could be trapped in an underground jail cell and the only way for the guards to let you out was if you could make the most incredible cider anyone has ever had."

Keladry started laughing hysterically. We both had finished our drinks and were starting to head towards  
the exit. We got outside and it was freezing. Kel started walking towards the palace.

" Dom, what are you doing? Come on!"  
" Come over here."  
" Where are you going? Dom… Dom?"

I had started walking in the opposite direction and Kel quickly followed.

" Dom, where are we going?"  
" Just follow me."

" Dom!"

Z Z Z Z Z Z Z

"Dom, did you just pick a random house to go to or something?"  
"No?"  
"Oh…"

We were standing side by side on (in her mind) a random step leading into someone's house. Kel looked up at me. All I could see were her hazel brown eyes, and I couldn't look away. They were so alluring and mysterious. She was searching my face for any shown emotion. It looked as though she couldn't find any. I looked back towards the door and as I was right about to knock, the door swung open.

" I knew there was someone out here, how may I help you?" said Mrs. Cooper.  
" Well, my friend Keladry here and I were just in the Dancing Dove and we had some very good cider and Kel said that she thought it was you who had made it. We were wondering if we could learn how to make it, or get a recipe or something?"  
" Well, I wouldn't trust you guys to get it right by yourselves. I'll have to teach you and I'll give you the recipe anyway. Come by tomorrow, the both of you, at about half past noon. How does that sound?"  
"Good." Said Kel and I simultaneously.  
"Great, see you children tomorrow!"

We walked out of the house and as soon as we did, I got an earful.

" Dom, I cannot believe you just did that!" Kel said rather angrily.  
" I didn't do anything! I just thought it would fun to know how to make incredibly good cider. I already told you how it would come in handy."  
" Okay, whatever you want Dom. Meet me at the statue at the base of the palace stares, and do not be late, or I won't go at all."   
" Alright, alright. See you tomorrow."  
" Bye."  
­

Well there is number 2 for y'all. Tell me what y'all think!

-Gigi Ose


	3. Retarted Sugar Babies

- I own nothing I am broke try and sue me-

**Always Expect the Unexpected  
Chapter 3- Retarted Sugar Babies**

" No Dom you don't put that in yet."

" Yes you do. Elaine said to put it in right after the cinnamon."

" Oh yeah, I forgot. Sorry."

So, Kel and I had been trying to make this cider for about an hour and a half so far. This was our third try and we were hoping to finally make it to Elaine's satisfaction. Elaine said that once we had made it so it actually tastes somewhat like cider, that she would teach us how to make rolls that went along well with the cider.

" Finally, we did it right!" Kel said gleefully.

" Cooking is hard work, I'm glad I'm not a housewife."

Mrs. Cooper shot me an indescribable look, but I could tell she wasn't very happy, and I was in trouble.

" I mean, I would love to be a housewife if I was a woman… but I'm not and I love the manly things in life."

" So that's why your sitting here learning how to cook?" Kel said with a smirk on her face.

" Well this is an exception. "

" How is this an exception Dom?"

" I uh…. Well… you see…"

" Uh-huh that's what I thought."

" Kids, I need to run to a friends house; I'll be back in a couple hours. You both can stay here and finish up the rolls. Remember to follow the recipe!"

" I didn't know we were children." I mumbled to Kel.

" I heard that." Elaine shouted back to me as she went out the door.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

" Okay, Kel you get the sugar and I will get the flour."

" Alright."

Kel was beginning to look uncomfortable with it just being her and me here. She looked up at me for a moment, then began measuring the sugar.

" So, did you hear how the rest of the play went?" I asked.

" Yeah, Neal came by afterwards and started telling me how it was my fault that he had to sleep on the couch for the night. Apparently Yuki is pregnant and was getting a little moody. Once she told him, he was a new person and tried to apologize for making her annoyed. Then that's when he came to me saying how he couldn't be with his wife when he found out she was pregnant and, that's about it."

" Wow, are you serious? Yuki is pregnant, and Meathead is going to be a father. Wow." I said with a laugh.

" Yeah…" Kel trailed off.

" You okay Kel? You look a little troubled."

" Oh yeah I'm fine."

Well she wasn't convincing me she was fine at that point, so I decided to spice things up.

" I think the rolls need more flour." I said.

" No they don't, we put in the exact amount that it said on the recipe."

At that very moment, I threw a handful of flour at Kel's face.

" Dom! What was that for?"

Then there was a little cinnamon thrown to Kel. Then a little salt and sugar.

" Dom! Fine, if this is how you play then so be it!"

So then all hell broke loose with the flour, sugar, salt, and cinnamon. We were laughing and covered in flour. We both fell on the floor and I crawled over to her.

" You got some sugar on your lip." I said as I gazed into her smiling face.

I wiped off the sugar with my thumb. She licked her lips and said that I missed a few. Our faces got closer and closer.

" Great Mithros! What have you two done here!" Mrs. Cooper said as she stared at the room.

Kel and I were startled and moved away from each other faster than you'd expect. We cleaned up the room and then apologized again and then left.

" Well, I uh… have to go, I'll see you sometime." Kel said rather nervously.

" Yeah, talk to you later."

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" Can you believe it? I'm going to be a father!" Neal was ecstatic about becoming a father.

" I'm going to teach him how to fight, and how to ride a horse, and how to be like me. It's going to be so exciting. I can't wait!"

" I'd be a little worried for the child, we don't need a Meathead jr. in the family. One is enough." I said.

" Yes Neal that's very exciting. I would send a letter to your mother soon, and Yukimi's family. I remember when your mother and I sent out the announcement of your arrival; they didn't even know we were expecting and your grandparents haven't even completely gotten over it." Said Baird of Queenscove, Neal's father.

" Well I think it would have been easier on everyone if you wouldn't have had Neal in the first place, but that's just my opinion." I said.

" Shut up Dom, no one asked you."

" Well I think it's best that I be leaving now. Don't forget to tell your mother Neal, and Dom calm down on the insults, we all wish we hadn't had Neal, but we can't change that so it's tough luck for all of us. Bye son, bye Dom." Baird said with a wink to Neal.

" So much for a loving family." Neal said gloomily.

" I bet your kid will love you though! Oh wait, we shouldn't get our hopes up." I said with a smirk.

" You know what Dom, I'm tired of all…"

" I almost kissed Kel today."

" YOU ALMOST WHAT!"

" Kissed her."

"… And?"

Neal was listening very carefully now.

" Then Mrs. Cooper walked in on us, thank the Gods."

" Oh okay, what'd Kel do? Wait what do you mean thank the Gods?"

" Well I can't kiss Kel, that would ruin our friendship and we're both getting serious in our jobs right now. We've both worked hard for what we have and I know she doesn't want to lose it and I know I don't either."

"… Dom that's retarted."

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Ahahahahah I love this! I'm having great fun. My mom sold my laptop so the updates will be a little longer. (I like my privacy). So yeah, I will try not to make it too long. Hope you all enjoyed!

-Gigi Ose


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